Why Do Women Hate

I am new to the food blog world.  I do not share a lot of information about myself (not yet, at least) but I can tell you that by day, I am a working girl, 8 to 5.  The reason I say this is that it astounds me, day after day, after day, after day, what I hear women say, to women, about women.

Today, I innocently pulled out my lunch in front of my colleagues/friends at work and was astonished to hear the conversation.

Did you see [her] in that skirt? Two sizes too small. She has gained so much weight this year.  She has such an “interesting” shape.  That’s sad-for her.  Then, out of nowhere,

Is that white bread? regular bread? That is so bad for you. That’s a HUGE sandwich.  You eat so much. How do you stay so thin?  Well, you can afford it, I guess. I could never eat like that, not with my fat (insert body part of choice). Aaaaaawkward.

I wish I were exxagerating.  I am not.

I can’t eat ________/I’ve been so good because I cut out ________________. I don’t like my ____.  She is so pretty/thin.

For a brief passing moment, I felt a little guilty about my gigantic mammoth wow that is  really a big sandwich sandwich until I realized something. I would stop eating when I got full, if I got full.  And, more importantly, I felt sorry for this poor girl who felt like a sandwich was out of her reach because of her [body part she does not like]. Sad.

Women hate talk constantly, as much or more than the often commented on magazines that are constantly telling us to drop a few pounds, shrink our thighs, or our hips, but mainly all we are doing is letting them shrink our heads if we actually start to believe that being thinner increases our self worth in some way.

The hate propagated by women disgusts me. The constant scrutiny on what we eat, wear, and how we do our hair is enough to push any woman to the brink.  In a world where eating disorders are rampant, where models fall over on the stage from hunger, and sometimes die, we are at a point when what we should be doing is love.NOT hate.

Katie Couric once said that the tv station was sandblasted by phone calls anytime she changed her hair, but not when she interviews Sarah Palin, the Prime Minister of England, all the important things.

It happens everywhere.  And sadly you cannot escape judgment, thin, or not.  A woman is seen at the mall eating french fries. No big deal.

She’s so thin. How can she eat like that? Is it her metabolism?

If she is larger, we think, those fries are not good for her.

Someone who looks like that should not be wearing those jeans.

Why the judgment? When did we become so full of ourselves that we believe it is ok to sit in judgment of fellow women? Women, who like us, suffer through all the oh my goodness sometimes it is just hard to be a female woman things. And, of all things, above all else, let’s not crucify the food-again.

Sure, I had a sandwich, on white bread, regular bread, but I’m ok. You’re ok. It was an especially large sandwich, but that’s ok too.  I’ll be ok.  Let’s all relax a little.

Death is not waiting around the corner for the person that drinks a Coke every now and then, or that eats a couple of pieces of white bread. Neither is a size twenty.

I wonder when we went from mmmmm, that pie looks good (and having a small, reasonable-sized piece) to wow, I wonder how much is in that sucker.

I wonder when we decided that we would scrutinize food so much. I wonder when we lost our love, for each other, for food, for eating.

I wonder how we can get it back.  Health is important, but it does not mean having to sit in judgment of others.all.the.time. If a friend reaches out to us, of course, we should oblige with advice. If a friend wants help to lose weight, we help. But, if you see a girl, or know a girl, who wants to eat a couple of slices of bread or drink a soda, relax.  She will be just fine.

Maybe we hate each other because we are not much friendlier to ourselves.  Perhaps as our own body image improves we are kinder and more forgiving to others.  Lesson one, then, I suppose, is loving ourselves, first.

Today, right now, let’s bring back the love, for the occasional doughnut, for veggies, and yoga, and chocolate. Let’s bring back the love for a cold coke on a hot day or even an incredibly refreshing watermelon sangria, or the feeling of ice cold water when you are drenched in sweat after a workout. Love you.  First.  And, let’s stop the hate. Today. Right now. Let’s join together as women and decide this:

We are what we eat, but we are nothing when we hate.


2 thoughts on “Why Do Women Hate

  1. This is such a true post about a really frustrating subject. As women, we think so much about how other women look, making comparisons, scrutinizing, and in the end, feeling terrible about ourselves (or, in the rare case, feeling high and mighty and judgmental). I think we indulge in the harsh talk to feel better about ourselves: we comment that the skirt is too small because it makes us feel good that our clothes fit – even if they are two sizes bigger than they used to be. We tell “the skinny ones” we wish we could eat like them so they’ll recognize that we know we’re not as thin, and we’re obviously uncomfortable with that. It’s a never-ending thought process that’s really depressing. One fantastic part of the healthy living blog community, for me at least, is that I’m learning how to judge myself less, which inherently leads to judging others less. Maybe someday this will happen for society as a whole. Until then, keep reminding us that it’s not okay. We need to hear it.

    • Thank you so much for this comment. I was concerned that maybe this first digging deep post was a little heavy but this is exactly the point I was trying to make. I am so glad you got it.
      It is a darn shame the number of negative comments I hear women make every day, about women, to women. We are our harshest critics and our worst enemies.

      I am honored to be a new addition to the healthy living blog community. I love the messages of self-love, self-esteem and happiness that this community broadcasts and I think you are absolutely right that loving ourselves is the first step to loving other women and not allowing ourselves to sit in judgment of them. Dealing with our own issues helps us be better friends to each other. Given the number of women that suffer from eating disorders and distorted body image issues and low self-esteem in our world we should be broadcasting love and acceptance, and not the opposite. It is a vicious cycle and it must be stopped. Thank you again for the comment; you made my day and the encouragement pushes me forward. The world is hard enough to deal with-we should be kind to each other.

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